What Men Feel When They Pull Away
Last week, we dove deeper into conscious dating with a check in with our new couple, Mark and Jane. Jane was experiencing some uneasiness around a men’s trip that Mark had planned with a trouble maker friend of his named Chad. If you missed that recent post, click What Women Want When They Test Men to get caught up.
Today, our goal is to go even further into understanding the dynamic between the masculine and feminine energies when they are aligned and consciously dating. As a brief summary, when those two energies are in a sacred masculine and divine feminine place, they may look like this diagram below.
So far, Mark has been able to remain in his masculine energy with his partner Jane but as he returns home from his trip with friends he begins to feel unsettled. For him, it is hard to explain the urge to find freedom from her feminine behavior because it feels foreign and a test of his loyalty.
What Mark experienced came from deep within his intuition and energy system letting him know to pay attention to a new cue or piece of feedback as he has gotten to know Jane on a deeper level. He believed it had a lot to do with Jane’s anxiousness around the weekend trip with his guy friends but he couldn’t quite be sure.
As a conscious dater, Mark decided to sleep on it for a couple days before he sees Jane for dinner the upcoming weekend. Mark spent the week focused on work as it will always remain a top priority form him whether with a partner or without. He also committed to devoting time specifically to ponder his own emotions around the instincts that arose within him recently.
Like most men, Mark has a tendency to rationalize, use logic, and think his way through life’s challenges. This time, he chose a different avenue or journaling and meditation. Mark prefers to journal in a free form manner without agenda. However, when he has something specific to work through, he narrows his focus to ask the questions he seeks answers for while journaling and then mediate on them.
This week, his questions to focus on were, “Where is this unsettled feeling coming from?” and “Why do I feel the urge to ask for distance from Jane?”
Upon asking those two questions of himself, Mark allows the pen to flow across the page without thought or direction of an outcome. Nor does he read over what came through during that short time but rather moves straight to mediation. A five to ten minute period of silence to let go of control of his thoughts.
What he came away with from journaling and meditation was his sensation of unease was due to Jane’s moment of anxiousness around his men’s trip. What the masculine energy desires from the feminine is to feel like they are a team player. When Jane doubted that Mark could set healthy boundaries with his friend Chad, his instincts felt a disconnection from her that surfaced after their time apart.
Mark’s approach to his relationship with Jane is what empowers him to be self-led and sovereign. As a result, that is where his sacred masculinity flourishes and he can fully embrace the chaos of the feminine as we saw him handle it in the previous post. The next question Mark faces is how to communicate those feelings to Jane from a place of strength and leadership.
Mark has two choices for how the conversation can begin. The first choice is to lead with head centered anger and lash out by saying Jane doesn’t trust him to set healthy boundaries.
Or Mark can use nonviolent communication techniques which sounds more like, “I noticed that you felt anxious when I was spending time with my friend Chad and that made me feel uneasy because I need autonomy to set boundaries with people in my life that I care about. Would you be willing to explore with me how we can meet my need to have that autonomy?”
Notice that Mark didn’t threaten the relationship in the second approach with Jane but rather shared what he noticed about their previous conversation, shared his feelings, and made a request.
In a recent podcast episode, Jason Polk, PACT, and I discussed how treating the relationship erodes trust quickly and will not serve either person attempting to bring up a topic of conversation.
To hear more about authentic and conscious dating, please subscribe to our podcast on iTunes, Spotify, or YouTube now! Stay tuned for next week’s post to deepen our understanding of conscious dating in the modern world.Tags: advice, authentic, authenticity, believe be real be bold, break up, coach, conscious dating, consciously dating, date, dating, dave glaser, define the relationship, denver, dynamic, energy, feminine, in a relationship, keeps men committed, love, masculine, men, online, podcast, relationships, sacred, toxic, what makes men pull away, women