“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.”
― Maya Angelou
As you listen to the Believe Be Real Be Bold podcast, you’ll see a common theme that reminds you that self-love, respect, and healthy relationships start with you!
Before we jump into the signals you want to look out for from your date to see if they are truly interested, let’s cover those actions you can take to SHOW genuine interest when dating in Denver!
Here are a few steps you can take to stay present and engaged to show interest while on a date and in between dates!
- Ask genuine questions that are relevant to the conversation while on your date
- Make eye contact as much as possible (duh!)
- Show up sober, excited, and present to be there.
- Plan out your date to show effort to your new interest
- Steadily reveal more about yourself with short stories that are relevant to the conversation
- Be open and be intentional in your communication
- Please remember… never interrupt your date!
These may be obvious to you because you’ve experienced someone on a date that has ignored all of these. Even just or one or two of them can prevent honest and real connection between two people ready to meet someone great!
Now that we’ve covered what you can do to show interest in your date, let’s bring up some similar things you can look for on a date to tell if they are truly interested in you!
- Are they curious about you? If there is a break in their story, do they ask you a similar question that continues the conversation? Or are they continuing to tell you about themselves or even worse, not asking you questions at all. On a first date, people can be nervous and not sure what to ask you so please have grace early on. However, if it goes to a second or third date and it’s becoming a pattern, be aware of how much your date dominates the conversation without being curious about your interests, passions, hobbies, and who you ARE!
- Are those questions meant to truly get to know you or are they just filler questions? Such as “How was your week?” or “What do you have going on this weekend?” I am literally exhausted by small talk so if I am truly interested in someone, I will ask a deeper question to get to know them. This will accomplish a couple of very important steps to connecting authentically with your date. First, you will be able to discover the important things about them such as values and intentions quickly, maybe even saving you the time it would take to have a second date if their values don’t match your own. Second, if they deflect or ignore your question… you will see that there is something bigger there, maybe something hidden that they don’t want you to know about them.
- Do they reach out to you in between dates in a reasonable amount of time, within your boundaries, and with genuine intentions? I recently went out with a girl on a couple dates and her communication between dates has been… how do I put this? Inconsistent at best. Inconsistent communication up until your first date is understandable. You’re both busy adults with separate lives, priorities, and you really don’t know where they are coming from until you get to know them in person. However, communication after your first date can really clue you into how interested they are in you. So be aware of some patterns that arise in their texting, calls, or social media pings. Before my recent first date with her, texting was pretty typical for when you meet on Hinge or Bumble. It was later in the evening because peak hours for that is between 8-10 pm my time here in Denver. About four hours after our first date ended, she texted to say thank you which was a surprise! So I texted back within a reasonable amount of time and then…. nothing for a full 24 hours. I started to recognize a pattern that day and messaged back within an hour and a half but then again… 48 hours later, I finally heard back from her. It can be beautiful and yet frustrating getting to know someone, especially if you have surprise feelings for them after just meeting;) Before we move on to the most important topic for today, I want you to be aware of WHEN they reach out! Is it late at night? Are their intentions just for a booty call? Is it way too early? Do they not know you have a career you care about?! Are they trying to communicate with you outside of your healthy boundaries? Boundaries are especially important to establish early on in a new relationship so that you can maintain them in a healthy way throughout the long term goals you share together!
- Lastly, and most importantly, do you question their intentions and integrity? Honestly, this is the most important thing to be aware of because your gut instinct is your guide. It will clue you into what feels right and is the best fit for you. Having the conversation with someone is about their intentions is one thing, but trusting your gut that they are being honest with you is another thing all together. I always encourage our community to be authentic and when it comes to recognizing that in others, focus on their behaviors and not their words. The pattern of text behavior we discussed above is a good indication early on of their interest in you. Almost all of us have our phone within arms length of us at all times, right? It’s our alarm clock, our calendar, our informant, our map, etc. Yes, we all have jobs, family, and priorities to juggle because we are all so busy…. but it doesn’t take that long to send back a good mannered text that says, “Hey! Thanks for reaching out today, I had a great time on our date as well! I am spending today with my (family, friends, at work, etc) but I can connect with you later tonight! Are you free then?”
Would you be more interested in someone that communicates that well?! Me too! It feels authentic and not at all dismissive as compared to radio silence.
Please listen to the rest of the story about my date and her texting style in the podcast episode “When to give your date the benefit of the doubt”. Stay tuned for this Friday’s solo episode rounding out this conversation on How to Tell if Your Date is Into You!!!