It Starts with You

Recently our expert guest, Jason Kendrick, and I were discussing this philosophy that has been popping up on social media.

“How aware are you of your past traumas and suppressed emotions and tell me about how you are actively working to heal them before you try to project that shit on me?”

As Human Connection Specialist, Mark Groves said, โ€œWhen you get reactive, get curious. You have a wound that is asking to be healed.โ€  When I first read this question in the context of a first date it rubbed me the wrong way and I decided to reflect on it before resuming the conversation with Jason.

Which ended up being the best decision so that we could clearly share our opinions.  My conclusion?

I felt as if I should be asking myself this question long before I ask someone else, especially on a first date.  And I have asked myself this questions, which was very hard to do but the results have been tremendously freeing!  I first asked myself this question in December 2017 when ten year old repressed memories rose up and slapped me in the face.

I discovered that I couldn’t proceed on the journey alone and sought out a very good career counselor that helps me become a better business owner, father, and man.  Rocky Mountain Coaching, Counseling, and Consulting has been a true game changer in my progress to optimal mental health.  The second community I found growth in was Flatirons Church and their podcast, Facebook lives, and local campuses that host their services.

These two support communities have been integral to my personal, emotional, spiritual, and mental growth since last December.

I asked myself this question over and over again in and out of my counseling sessions to send my growth hurtling forward.  I also discovered that until I addressed this question deeply, I would never  be justified asking someone else on a first date because until I did, I wouldn’t be ready to wholeheartedly grow with another person!

Here’s a glimpse into the conversation Jason and I had after I spent some time digesting my first impression of the question.

“I guess you could all each other the question and explore the answers together. Might make for a deep and meaningful first date.”

“With the right girl?”

“Ideally, yes. But, I’m sure you’d find out which girl was right or if they were wrong for your real quick.”

Does that sound like something you’d be comfortable asking on a first date?

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4 thoughts on “It Starts with You

  1. I would absolutely consider asking that on the first date. Time is valuable – yours and theirs. if they are not at a place where they have healed from things in their past – then in essence – time is being wasted. Could you work on it together – I suppose – if by working on it, you mean that it wouldn’t eventually be projected on the other person – then yes.
    I have a huge heart and sometimes it gets me in a lot of things that I have no business being in ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Great perspective Heather! And how do you propose you’d bring up this specific question and have it well received?!

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